Burden to Bear
by Ellfine
Summary: After a devastating battle, Haldir assumes a burden he never expected to bear.


Written for the JulieFiannaArchive April 2010 Challenge

Many thanks to Fiondil for the beta.

**Terms:**

Adar: father

Edair:fathers

Daeradar: grandfather

Fëa: spirit

*******

The water lapped at Haldir's hips, but still he trudged on. Blood mixed with sweat burned down his back, combining with the waters of the river to soak his tunic, but he did not care. The burden he bore before him mattered so much more. The responsibility he now carried in his arms drew ragged breaths promising that soon those charges and weight of cares would transfer to Haldir's own weary shoulders.

The battle on the borders had gone badly. The Galadhrim had been overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of orcs. In spite of calling for re-enforcements from the entire clan, it had barely been enough to keep the enemy out of the Golden Wood and away from their home.

All around him Haldir could hear the splashes of the weary, many of them wounded themselves, carrying the grievously wounded and the dead. Moans and unstiffled sobs echoed among the warriors, but Haldir kept silent through the tears blurring his vision. The cold water numbed his own bleeding leg, enabling him to continue, though his shoulders and back ached fiercely. Yet he could not lay down what he bore before him nor ask another to bear this. His honor and his pride would not allow it.

********

The water lapped at Haldir's knees and his arms trembled with the exertion. Soon, very soon, they would be back on dry land and safe within the borders. The two years of drought which had drained the river so had been a blessing for moving troops, but a curse as well for it tempted the orcs too much. And his clan had paid the price for protecting their beloved home this time. They had paid dearly this day in blood and bone to purchase one more winter for their families in their beloved wood.

Rains finally were coming. Haldir could feel it in the air. It was time for the autumn hunts to begin and the Adar of each clan would lead the ellynof his family in the hunt. But this year things would be different,for the elder edairof his clan were all gone now save the one he held close to his chest. His daeradar's daeradar would soon pass as the three succeeding generations of eldest sons of his line had on the field of battle this day.

Haldir stumbled as his injured leg momentarily gave way. Fiercely struggling to keep the Adar of his clan above the water as much as possible, he sobbed, "I am so sorry."

"My sons…," Handir whispered weakly. "My beloved sons…"

"Adar, we are not all lost!" Haldir quickly tried to reassure. "Many of us yet live."

"I saw so many fall. So many…I…I misjudged the enemy. I…So many of my sons are lost… Forgive me."

"Adar, you led us wisely and with great cunning or none of us would have survived and the other clans would have been sorely pressed to defend Lorinand. This is not your fault. It was the enemy who did this to us. You saved us! …You saved us."

"Haldir, please take me home," Handir begged. "Please take me home."

"I am, Adar, I am." With that Haldir mustered his strength and shifted weight until he shakily regained his feet. Dangerously over-balanced, he stumbled again, nearly falling, but another caught him and helped him settle.

"Thank you, Uncle," Haldir panted, then answered the unspoken question in the eyes of his daeradar's brother. "I am alright. I can still carry him."

"If you are certain..."

"Yes. I can do this. But, please…stay close beside me if you are able."

"My right arm is useless, but with my left, I will give you what aid I can."

Haldir grimaced in reply, concentrating all of his strength on safely taking each new step.

********

Leaves embraced the Adar's body as Haldir carefully laid him on the ground, safe within the confines of the woods.

Those who were able gathered around to hear what words their Adar would speak.

"My sons…my dear children," he whispered coughing wetly. "I…I love you more than I can say. I grieve for those whom we have lost and…I am deeply sorry for our losses. Please…please care for their families, care for your kin."

Painfully, he reached up and brushed Haldir's cheek, causing Haldir to gasp as their gazes locked.

Haldir saw his future laid out before him: the faces of those for whom he must care, the duties he must perform. He envisioned the belt of leadership he must fashion for himself depicting the symbols of each generation of the clan, including his own. He saw himself garbed in green robes embroidered with leaves and wearing a circlet of mallorn leaves on his head. Before the assembled members of his clan, he would swear his oath of honor to care for and protect them all. Then he would kneel before King Amdir,giving his oath of loyalty to the ruler of Lorinand. It would now fall upon Haldir, eldest surviving first son of a generation, to do the work of the first sons of all previous generations leading back to the first Adar who awoke in the dark beneath the stars. Now he would be Adar of the clan. He would lead the hunts, order the patrols, welcome each new babyborn into the family, approve potential spouses for the unmarried of the clan, and guide the training of each young son in the ways of the Galadhrim.

The bloody hand slipped from Haldir's face and the vision faded.

"The burden and the love are yours now, my son," Handir whispered. Turning his head to look upon the children of his line weeping all around him, he smiled amidst a sigh as his fëa departed.

********

The water lapped at Haldir's hips as he hoisted the child in the air.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

Wide-eyed, the young ellonnodded as Haldir tossed him up high. Squeals of delight rang out as flailing limbs splashed into the water, causing gales of laughter from those gathered around. Adar Handir scooped up the boy, gave him a tight hug, then tossed him off again to the next nearest Adar.

Gazing around at the family playing in the lake, Haldir reflected on how much had happened since he became Adar of the clan. He led them in many battles, including a devastating war where King Amdir was killed. He served as chief of the march wardens for all of Lothlórienafter the passing of the kingsand throughout the rule of Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. He protected his folk from the influence of the most evil object ever to exist entering their beloved homeland during his family's watch, and, finally, perhaps most importantly, he removed the entire clan to the safety of Valinor.

Surrounded by all of the Edair from before, he felt worthy of standing in their presence, attending their councils, and caring for their children. Haldir lifted into his arms once again the first son of the new generation born in Valinor, bestowing a fatherly kiss on the little ellon – the grandson of his grandson. This was the newest possible Adar of the clan, but Haldir hoped and prayed he would never have to know that burden.


End file.
